Hope "less" Life

Hope! the greatest delusion known to man, It blinds you to your surrounding, despair and increases your endurance, just to delay, that which is inevitable. It just doesn't let you give up, on situations which would only get even worse, and would lead one to the point of no return.
..Hope doesn't let you be tough, tough on yourself, a decision you might have taken in desperation. Despair clears your thought process, rationality usurps foolishness, pragmatism replaces abstractness.
...Emotions have made him take crazy decisions. Forgoing everything that seem prospective, & promising for his loved ones. He didn't brood over the outcomes, if he did, he would have never acted. Since a difficult is choice is always between something bad and worse. Altruism is a virtue according to perpetrators of faith, religion, humanity. A self-effacing, forbearing and an all sacrificing man would be celebrated, adulated. He would be admired for relinquishing his happiness. To the extent that a sense of guilt is induced in the minds, whenever something makes someone happy.
With a history of sacrifices for his loved ones, forsaking at the very threshold of success, impervious to the comparisons imposed on him while starting at the same pedestal, rather taking a step back, his only achievement would be their happiness. Subconsciously he knows that it would soon be forgotten and he would be at the crossroads once again. Like ripples in oceans, let go by the ocean in the form of waves vehemently crashing the shores, he has to let go of his desires, ambitions, happiness, because with them they bring guilt. Guilt of indulging! Happiness which is raison de atre of existence, is derived from sacrificing and not indulging.
..He feels suffocated, the very reason, the motivation, the happiness is missing. And the happiness he wished to derive from making his loved ones happy is missing too, his deeds are now forgotten, his small quest for feeling a little happy again, has smothered the recognition of his life of renunciation. Heart has taken a beating, clawed and gnawed by the deathly hallows of life.
Is detachment the key? no he has fallen in love. He can't seem to balance his pains and pleasures. Love pulls him back and life strangles him to the last breath. He gets those near death experience, where thoughts of "hope and despair" are dwarfed by "life and death" emotions. His pride, shielded with the thoughts of detachment, is now drenched vulnerably with the emotions & love. His heart is now reposed precariously in someone's hands. His moments of pleasure now, like a mere mortal are at the mercy of material objects. Every ominous thought, every faliure seems like a impending coup de grace. He wishes to resign before being murdered.

He feels empathized by a song that lingers forever in his mind....
"Life, it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Can't stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone"